The Adoption
A few years ago I was hired to make an unscripted TV show at an adoption center in Orem, Utah. For several months, I followed a handful of women who had come to give birth and place their newborns up for adoption. The center did things differently - prospective families made presentations in short books, pitching themselves to the birth mothers who would ultimately choose where their child would go.
Wherever they were in their pregnancy, when the women came to the center, they were given an apartment, either on their own if they were coming with other kids, or a partner, or together with other birth moms. They were given free medical care, a stipend, counseling, and shown profiles of potential families. If they were interested in the family, the center would arrange an in person meeting with the prospective adoptees.
Taylor was one of the women that I met and filmed at the center. We didn't know what the storyline for each pregnancy would be. It would just become apparent after a few weeks or more following each 'character'. But Taylor's narrative took a funny turn.
As it turned out, the challenge for her, was finding the right adoptive family. She didn't resonate with any of the family profiles she was presented. Not sure the center had ever encountered this exact circumstance before. To be honest, I kind of loved Taylor for her honesty. I remember doing a check-in interview with her, asking what she thought of the families she had been shown and she told me 'they were all bullshit'. Maybe because I dug Taylor's way of being, I became close with her and her daughter Nevaeh, who was I think three at the time they were at the center. Nevaeh is heaven spelled backwards. This is not essential information.
Long story short-ish, at this adoption center, all pregnant women are induced. This way everyone can plan. A few days before Taylor's birth she kinda caught me by surprise and told me she didn't like any of the families she was presented and decided she wanted me to take her baby. I was not a huge kid person, but I had fallen in love with Taylor and her daughter. Very much not planned, but I whole heartedly welcomed the idea. And said ok.
When you are shooting a show like this, you usually have a check-in with the network representative once a week to update them on where the storylines of the characters you are following are going etc. On my weekly network call I told the rep that Taylor had asked if I could adopt her baby. I had decided that I was going to say yes, and the rep was surprised but excited about the turn of events and immediately started working with me to figure out how to include this new angle in the story. I told Taylor that we were a go.
A few days later, Taylor was induced. I was filming the birth. It was intense. As the baby’s head got closer to crowning, she started to keep her eyes tightly shut and cover her ears. I realized she was doing this because not hearing the baby cry or seeing it, would be the only way she figured she could give birth and not keep her child.
While this scene was unfolding, I was asked to step out of the room and take an important call from the network rep. I assumed they wanted to see how the delivery was going. I remember slipping into an empty OR, explaining that Taylor was in the middle of giving birth so this would have to be quick.
But it turned out it was more than my rep on the call. It was the network’s legal team. They wanted to alert me that I could not under any circumstances adopt Taylor's baby. That my contract forbid it and the network would sue me if I did. I think there were a lot of issues at play for the legal team, and fair enough, the new plans would probably really throw a wrench in the production. I had crossed a boundary.
I acknowledged what I heard, hung up and ran back to Taylor's room. Not long after, she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. She would not look at him and kept her hands over her ears until he was removed from the room.
Taylor recovered and after a few hours I came and told her about the call I got during her delivery. Taylor is a fierce human. And she took the news with very little emotion, except for one critical detail. She decided in that moment, that she would now keep her new son.
This decision did not go over well with the counselors from the adoption center. In short order they explained that Taylor could of course keep her child, she would just need to check out of the hospital within the next 24 hours, move out of the apartment she had been living, would be on the hook for all hospital bills she had accrued and need to find a way home to Florida on her own. They also removed us from the room and put all filming on hold.
It was a brutal game of chicken that the center and the hospital by default were playing. Gambling on the hope that for a woman who had no real home and no money, she would change her mind, and give her newborn away because the alternative consequences were too much for her.
In Utah I think a mother has about 72 hours after she gives birth to decide if she is going through with an adoption. Or I think we were told. No clue why, but I remember hearing that this law varies from state to state. As the clock continued to run out, the center limited our time with Taylor. I am not going to judge that decision. Just calling it as it happened.
By the time the center allowed us to resume filming, another 12 hours had passed, and Taylor had changed her mind again. She had decided she would now be giving her son away. The center contacted the family she had settled on and they were whisked in short order to the hospital and into a room across the hall from Taylor. Unbeknownst to her. They were awaiting the signing. I updated the network contact of the new story direction, tried to find my own head, and prepared to film Taylor sign the adoption papers. That is the clip/image above. After filming this, I crossed the hall and did a sit down, behind closed doors interview with the couple that had just been told that the papers were signed and the child would be theirs.
It was a bizarre situation. As I filmed the couple, they cried at their surprise and joy at the turn of events. As the interviewer, I too was crying, but from heartbreak. For Taylor, maybe also a little for me, but I was a last minute walk on in this story, but for the situation as a whole. I am not saying the decision wasn't right. That is not up to me to say. And the family that took Taylor's son seemed like good people. It was just somewhere between all that had transpired in that little hospital in the last 48 hours, the complexity of life was on full display.
There is more to this story. There always is. Taylor stayed in my life. And she and Nevaeh are doing well. I know what she had named her son, but I don't know the name he now goes by or how he is. I hope he is joyful, healthy and feels very loved. Taylor was close to her counselor at the adoption center and I believe stays in touch with her. And I never held any bitterness towards the network or its execs. There are no victims in this story, no evil people. Just us, doing the best we can as we fly through our days. And the fearlessness some of us find along our way.
Wherever they were in their pregnancy, when the women came to the center, they were given an apartment, either on their own if they were coming with other kids, or a partner, or together with other birth moms. They were given free medical care, a stipend, counseling, and shown profiles of potential families. If they were interested in the family, the center would arrange an in person meeting with the prospective adoptees.
Taylor was one of the women that I met and filmed at the center. We didn't know what the storyline for each pregnancy would be. It would just become apparent after a few weeks or more following each 'character'. But Taylor's narrative took a funny turn.
As it turned out, the challenge for her, was finding the right adoptive family. She didn't resonate with any of the family profiles she was presented. Not sure the center had ever encountered this exact circumstance before. To be honest, I kind of loved Taylor for her honesty. I remember doing a check-in interview with her, asking what she thought of the families she had been shown and she told me 'they were all bullshit'. Maybe because I dug Taylor's way of being, I became close with her and her daughter Nevaeh, who was I think three at the time they were at the center. Nevaeh is heaven spelled backwards. This is not essential information.
Long story short-ish, at this adoption center, all pregnant women are induced. This way everyone can plan. A few days before Taylor's birth she kinda caught me by surprise and told me she didn't like any of the families she was presented and decided she wanted me to take her baby. I was not a huge kid person, but I had fallen in love with Taylor and her daughter. Very much not planned, but I whole heartedly welcomed the idea. And said ok.
When you are shooting a show like this, you usually have a check-in with the network representative once a week to update them on where the storylines of the characters you are following are going etc. On my weekly network call I told the rep that Taylor had asked if I could adopt her baby. I had decided that I was going to say yes, and the rep was surprised but excited about the turn of events and immediately started working with me to figure out how to include this new angle in the story. I told Taylor that we were a go.
A few days later, Taylor was induced. I was filming the birth. It was intense. As the baby’s head got closer to crowning, she started to keep her eyes tightly shut and cover her ears. I realized she was doing this because not hearing the baby cry or seeing it, would be the only way she figured she could give birth and not keep her child.
While this scene was unfolding, I was asked to step out of the room and take an important call from the network rep. I assumed they wanted to see how the delivery was going. I remember slipping into an empty OR, explaining that Taylor was in the middle of giving birth so this would have to be quick.
But it turned out it was more than my rep on the call. It was the network’s legal team. They wanted to alert me that I could not under any circumstances adopt Taylor's baby. That my contract forbid it and the network would sue me if I did. I think there were a lot of issues at play for the legal team, and fair enough, the new plans would probably really throw a wrench in the production. I had crossed a boundary.
I acknowledged what I heard, hung up and ran back to Taylor's room. Not long after, she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. She would not look at him and kept her hands over her ears until he was removed from the room.
Taylor recovered and after a few hours I came and told her about the call I got during her delivery. Taylor is a fierce human. And she took the news with very little emotion, except for one critical detail. She decided in that moment, that she would now keep her new son.
This decision did not go over well with the counselors from the adoption center. In short order they explained that Taylor could of course keep her child, she would just need to check out of the hospital within the next 24 hours, move out of the apartment she had been living, would be on the hook for all hospital bills she had accrued and need to find a way home to Florida on her own. They also removed us from the room and put all filming on hold.
It was a brutal game of chicken that the center and the hospital by default were playing. Gambling on the hope that for a woman who had no real home and no money, she would change her mind, and give her newborn away because the alternative consequences were too much for her.
In Utah I think a mother has about 72 hours after she gives birth to decide if she is going through with an adoption. Or I think we were told. No clue why, but I remember hearing that this law varies from state to state. As the clock continued to run out, the center limited our time with Taylor. I am not going to judge that decision. Just calling it as it happened.
By the time the center allowed us to resume filming, another 12 hours had passed, and Taylor had changed her mind again. She had decided she would now be giving her son away. The center contacted the family she had settled on and they were whisked in short order to the hospital and into a room across the hall from Taylor. Unbeknownst to her. They were awaiting the signing. I updated the network contact of the new story direction, tried to find my own head, and prepared to film Taylor sign the adoption papers. That is the clip/image above. After filming this, I crossed the hall and did a sit down, behind closed doors interview with the couple that had just been told that the papers were signed and the child would be theirs.
It was a bizarre situation. As I filmed the couple, they cried at their surprise and joy at the turn of events. As the interviewer, I too was crying, but from heartbreak. For Taylor, maybe also a little for me, but I was a last minute walk on in this story, but for the situation as a whole. I am not saying the decision wasn't right. That is not up to me to say. And the family that took Taylor's son seemed like good people. It was just somewhere between all that had transpired in that little hospital in the last 48 hours, the complexity of life was on full display.
There is more to this story. There always is. Taylor stayed in my life. And she and Nevaeh are doing well. I know what she had named her son, but I don't know the name he now goes by or how he is. I hope he is joyful, healthy and feels very loved. Taylor was close to her counselor at the adoption center and I believe stays in touch with her. And I never held any bitterness towards the network or its execs. There are no victims in this story, no evil people. Just us, doing the best we can as we fly through our days. And the fearlessness some of us find along our way.
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